BRICK • HA HA SO Strategies • I-Messages • Generous Apology • 4 Steps to Problem Solving • What Really Happened

H - Use Humor by applying problem solving strategies.
A - Avoid situations where this kind of threat exists.
H - Get Help from a third person.
A - Assert yourself by giving and I-message (see below)
S - Use Self Talk to keep your cool and not lose your temper.
O - "Own" whatever the bully is saying or agree with it (without really meaning it).

An I-message is a way of communicating a problem that a person is having without putting blame on anyone. The problem solver focuses on him or herself with this strategy. An I-message has three parts and sounds something like this:

"When you talk about my mother,
I feel hurt,
Because I care about her and I don't like anyone speaking in a mean way about her.
I would appreciate it if you wouldn't do that anymore."

The bold portions, or their paraphrases, appear in all I-message. The fourth statement above is a request for an agreement about the future.

It is important that a person speaks in an enrolling way when giving an I-message and be committed to finding a solution to the problem (committed complaint) or it won't produce effective result.

"Committed Complaints Only" and Negotiating Deals

The fourth part of the above I-message could be the opportunity to take a simple I-message to the stage of a committed complaint. The student experiencing a problem may make the fourth part of their communication a request may accept the request or decline it. The receiver must make a "counter offer" if they decline. Two students going through this process are Negotiating a Deal or an agreement.

"No Complaints Without a Deal"

If both students come to an agreement, they have a deal. If either one violates the agreement, the other gets to complain. No one may complain about an issue unless he/she has negotiated a deal or agreement about it. If the student or students cannot think of a request or deal to make, they may request help from the Breakthrough Peer Mediator team or staff members.

Generous Apology

Students at the Breakthrough Magnet School are instructed that humans are imperfect beings. As such, we will make mistakes or bad choices sometimes. Making a Generous Apology to another person can often, though not always, enable the other person to "forgive" us.

A generous apology should contain:

"Apology" vocabulary, i.e. "I'm sorry" or "I apologize".

The circumstances of the "mistake", example: "for talking about your mother".

The feelings the apologizer imagines the listener might have felt in the circumstances, example: "I can imagine that you must have felt hurt and insulted when I said those things."

A commitment for the future improved behavior in these circumstances, example: "I promise I will speak more respectfully about your family in the future".

1 - Write down a statement of the problem.
2 - Brainstorm as many and varied solutions to the problem as the the problem solvers can think of.
3 - Selectthe solution that sounds best and try it out.
4 - After an agreed upon period of time, meet again and talk about how the solution is working.

What Really Happened

At BMS we know that in life events occur all the time. As human beings we then get to make-up interpretations about those events.

Our interpretations can empower us or take our personal power away. "People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be," said Abraham Lincoln. Symptoms of "Being on it" How can you tell When you are "on it"? What are the warning signals? You make yourself right and someone else wrong Someone makes a mistake and you say "ooooooooooh!". You tell someone else that they're on it, but you aren't gentle about it. There's an unkind tone in your voice. When you're in trouble, you talk about other people instead of talking responsibility for your own bad choice. There's only one thing to do if you're ont and that's, GET OFF IT! Your degree of mental health is determined by the speed with which you GET OFF IT!